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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
Chapter XVI
When Udayar came back from Achipatti and found that Meena had left without
a word, his reaction had been one of bewilderment. The servant girl could
not tell him anything except that Muthu had come and they had left together.
' The old woman is up to some of her tricks again ' he thought. But when
Ganapathy came back and told him that Meena was not in her mother's house,
that Muthu had hinted at a new and more wealthy lover, his anger knew no
bounds. He himself went to find out what had happened but returned none
the wiser for it. His confidence was badly shaken; his honour and
self-respect were seriously hurt, the combination of misery and anger sent
him furiously to the nearest prostitute he could find, and in the violent
act of sex, he tried to relieve himself of his feelings. But they were not
to be so easily relieved. He was more miserable than ever.
' I was wrong to have trusted her so much, Ganapathy', he confided to his
trusted servant in a fit of self-pity. 'These women always show the
character of their caste sooner or later. I thought I had picked a gem of
the gutter, but she is no gem, she is just part of the gutter.'
' There is some mystery I am unable to understand sir' Ganapathy said.
' If she were going to leave you for another manS she would have taken all
the clothes and things you bought her. But she has left everything of value
behind. That suggests that she was annoyed with you over something.'
' If she was, she could have waited for me and asked me about what it was
that had annoyed her. Why should she leave so suddenly and without
warning ? '
' I have been making enquiries ' Ganapathy said, ' I don't think there is
any other person, whatever that woman might say.'
' Why do you make enquiries ? ' Udayar asked him crossly, ' I am not going
see her again even if she comes to me on bended knees.'
' No sir, that is not right ', pleaded Ganapathy, ' I am older than you
and I know Meena. She may be from the gutter but she is a gem all the same.
When once this misunderstanding is cleared, things will be all right. If
only I could talk to her ! But her mother is keeping her hidden somewhere.'
' No ! this is the end' said Udayar gloomily.'
And he went through all the women who were available in the town one after
the other. Ganapathy's feeble protest were of no use. He also started to
drink, a thing he had never done before. He tried to drown his sorrows in
an orgy of sex and drink, but the picture of Meena haunted him in every
woman's face. He saw it reflected in the glass of brandy and it made him
more miserable than ever. He got on his horse and rode and rode until he
was dead tired. ' One could not escape the consequences of one's actions',
he told himself. What had gone wrong ? Where was the fault ? Was it because
he had made her break her sacred vows to the temple ? It was surprising
how both his mind as well as Meena's, conditioned as they were to the
common traditions of Hinduism, ran on similar lines. Was it fate ? Was it
something he had done in his former life for which he had to pay through
his present misery and suffering.
Whenever a misfortune befalls anyone which has no explanation and no remedy,
then it is fate. It is God's will.He went to the temple and prayed. The
priest were none too friendly towards him for having taken Meena away from
the temple; they told him he had offended the Gods by what he had done. It
was an affront to the divine will and no man can escape divine wrath. There
was no magic and mystery in superstition; it added flavour to life, made it
fascinating, provided the ecstacy as well as the tragedy of life. Without
it life would have been dull and drab. But as usual, he ignored the priests:
he knew their worth. He appealed directly to God, to Lord Ranganatha whom
Meena had worshipped both here and in Sri Rangam. He did not ask for
happiness or even for a return to the old life. What he sought was logical
explanation, perhaps an obliteration of the past so that he could have the
easy, carefree life he used to have before he knew Meena. But Lord Ranganatha
was mute and no consolation was forthcoming from that quarter. Perhaps he
did not pray hard enough. But then, he was not a man of mediation or prayer.
He was essentially a man of action. But in this case, there was nothing he
could do.
Udayar felt ashamed to meet his friends. Perhaps, they laughed at him, at
his inexperience and naivety in trusting a dancing girl in the first place.
They certainly treated him as if he were recovering from a serious illness,
with kindness and tolerant good humour, making allowance for his moodiness
and fits and temper. He could not beat what he thought was their implied
criticism and even less their sympathy. Slowly, the grief of losing her was
replaced by anger and a sense of humiliation. The only way out of the
situation was to go away and stay away so that he would not meet anyone who
knew him or his past. It was not unusual for people to disappear completely
when a great tragedy or humiliation befell them. He had heard about one of
his own great uncles who was imprisoned by the British in the early days of
the East India Company rule on suspicion of having supported a rebellion
against them. But when he was released, the shame of having been in prison
was too much for him and he had completely disappeared. No one knew what
had happened to him and his own grandfather had had the responsibility of
having to look after his brother's family. So, why should he not do the same ?
He went to his friend Chettiar and asked for a loan of thousand rupees.
' Thousand rupees is a lot of money.' Mr. Chettiar said ' What do you want
it for ? '
' I cannot lie to you ', said Udayar, ' I am going away.'
Mr. Chettiar knew that once Udayar made up his mind, nothing he could say or
do would make him change it.
' Promise me one thing,' he asked Udayar ' Whatever you do, don't give up
life and become a sanyasi. You are too young and too full of life to give it
up.'
' I would probably make a bad sanyasi anyway.'
' And don't forget,' Mr. Chettiar continued. ' You do have a wife. When all
this is over and forgotten, you will come back to her.'
' I have no wife ! ' Udayar muttered under his breath.
' When the time comes, you will remember her,' Mr. Chettiar said.
' Everything has to wait for its appointed time for its fruition. Keep in
touch with me and send me a post card every month.'
Udayar agreed, gave a promissory note for the amount and walked out.
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