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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
Chapter XVIII
After he had thus wandered for about two months, Udayar found himself back
in Sri Rangam. He stood at the same bathing ghat where Meena had tried to
commit suicide. He remembered how she had waded into the water determined
to die and how he had brought her out. How could a girl, who had wanted to
die because he had rejected her, have left him without cause ? Or, was even
the suicide attempt just a pretense ? If so, what was its purpose ? And then,
he remembered how they had gone and bought the doll Kaveri, the next day.
They had told themselves that if they should ever have a difference of opinion,
they would say ~ Kaveri ' and solve it through discussion. But she had not
adhered to this agreement; she had just disappeared and left the doll behind.
How long ago was all that ? Not even a year, and yet, it seemed a different
age altogether. As he stood there and watched the mass of humanity washing
away their sins in the holy river, an overwhelming sense of helplessness and
misery gripped him. ' There is no one I can talk to; no one to love me and
none to weep if I should die,' he told himself.
But he himself was not the type to commit suicide. The meditative, actionless
life of the past few months had brought him to the end of his resources. Now
he wanted to act. An overwhelming desire just to see Meena, to try once more
to find out what was behind it all, possessed him. ' Yes, I will go back,'
he decided.
But what if she should reject him again ? What if there should be another
lover ? What would he do then ? Suddenly, the solution came to him. There was
only one way in which his honor could be satisfied, his feelings soothed and
his humiliation avenged. What did any husband do about a flagrantly unfaithful
wife ? For he had treated her as his wife and promised her love and protection
for ever. If she was still pure she would come back to him, if on the other
hand, she was taken by another man, then she should die. It was only logical,
honorable solution and as a man of honor, as one who never broke his word,
as a Udayar, he had to kill her. No other solution seemed possible.
Having made up his mind, he felt better. The life of a sadhu was not for him.
He was a man of action who took bold decisions and accepted the consequences
of those decisions. He began to think once more about his village, about his
farm workers and tenants and how they must be missing his guidance and
supervision. It was now sowing time in Achipatti and they would all be busy
preparing the fields for sowing. He wanted to be there to give them
instructions about the crops He wondered if the rains had been adequate and
whether they had been able to collect enough manure for fertilizing the fields.
Was Ganapathy-exercising his horses properly and keeping an eye on things in
general ? Thinking of these things, he almost felt cheerful. The terrible
decision he had come to and its consequences seemed to him unimportant. It was
like any other job that had to be done.
Having made up his mind, he wanted to go to the post office but he did not know
where it was and asked a sadhu who was standing nearby.
' You look like a man who has renounced the world ', the sadhu remarked. ' Why
do you want to go to the post office ? '
Not having any companionship for some time, Udayar was in a talkative mood,
'You might say have completed a penance' he replied. ' Or you might say I have
fulfilled one vow and taken another, I want to return home to fulfill the
second.'
' Where do you come from ? ' the sadhu asked him.
' I am from Achipatti village. It is near Palayam, about one hundred and fifty
miles from here.'
' I too have taken a vow ' the sadhu went on. ' It is to walk from Cape Comerin
to Banares, and when I get to the holy Kasi, I am going to stay there till I
die so that my earthly remains might be washed away by the mighty Ganges.
' You have a long way to go yet ' Udayar laughed, ' particularly if you are
going to walk the distance.'
' For those who walk through eternity, time and distance have no significance.'
' That sounds very profound, but I can't say I understand it ' admitted Udayar.
' You don't understand it because you are still bound by the bonds of this
earth,' the sadhu remarked. ' The soul is eternal: only the body is transient.
I may discard the- body but my soul will journey through to the end till it
attains salvation.'
' I wish Meena were here to listen to you,' Udayar sighed. ' She is well
versed in all the scriptures and can hold her own against any learned man.'
' Meena ? '
' Yes Meena.' Udayar pondered for a second. 'She is my wife.' ' Please do not
mention women to me', the sadhu remonstrated. ' They are the worst of all
temptations.'
' Perhaps you are right,' said Udayar bitterly thinking of the decision he had
just taken.
They walked in silence for a while towards the post office. ' Tell me, how do
you live ? ' Udayar asked, changing the subject. ' For a man of God like
yourself begging must seem to be a life of degradation.'
' Please do not mistake me for one of these wandering mendicants,' the sadhu
answered sever]y. ' I do not beg, I have an ashram where I used to give
discourses and people from all over the country came to have my darshan. But a
time comes in the life of every holy man when solitude and communion with God
are more important than giving darshan or discourses. Now it is a question of
preventing people from recognizing me and worrying me for advice. I have enough
money for whatever I need. Look' and the sadhu exhibited some currency notes.
Udayar was duly impressed.
' Pardon me, I did not realize your holy status ' he observed meekly.
' I have been observing you for some time,' the sadhu continued. ' I know you
are a good man pursued by misfortune. You have been searching for a peace you
could not find. God has sent you to me. Come with me and I shall solve your
problems.'
' I am truly grateful,' Udayar said. He also began to wonder whether this holy
man, who seemed to be learned and wise, would be also able to solve his
problems. He decided that should the opportunity occur, he would tell him his
story and ask for advice. Perhaps, he might have a less terrible solution to
offer.
They reached the post office. Udayar bought a post card. Borrowing a pen
and a bottle of ink from the clerk there, he wrote in his rather halting hand
his friend Mr. Chettiar.
' I am well and hope you and your family are in good health also. I have
decided to return and carry out whatever responsibilities I have to
undertake. Please tell Ganapathy to have my horse brought from the village.
I hope to be there in a few days.'
He addressed and posted it. When he came out, the sadhu was still waiting for
him.
' Where are you going to sleep tonight ? ' He asked Udayar.
' I don't know. I just got here today.'
' You can come with me ' the sadhu offered. ' I am staying in the ashram of a
fellow yogi who used to be my disciple. It will be quiet and peaceful there,
and you do not have to sleep among all and sundry as in a choultry.'
' I don't want to give you any trouble.' Udayar protested.
' It will be no imposition. I know you are in need of solace and it is my duty
to offer you spiritual comfort.'
So, Udayar followed him. He was grateful of the sadhu's company and for his
words and wisdom. But Udayar was not one to accept such unsolicited
hospitality without doing something in return particularly if it was a
sadhu. So when they passed a fruit vendor, he bought some bananas and put
them in the cloth bag he was carrying.
' You do not need to buy anything for me ', the sadhu commented. ' I have only
one meal a day.'
' I have not eaten all day ', Udayar said by way of an excuses.
They walked beyond the inhabited parts of the town. Suddenly Udayar felt tired.
The sorrow, anger and tension of the last few months, the decision he had made
to return, and the relaxation it brought him made him want to lie down.
' How far is it to the ashram ? ' he inquired.
' It is not far,' the sadhu replied. ' It is just beyond the coconut grove, off
the main road. We will be there shortly.'
The sun was going down and it was beginning to be dark. The sadhu turned into a
footpath between the coconut trees and Udayar followed him. Inside the coconut
grove, it was almost dark. When they had gone some distance, the sadhu quickly
turned. The man of God had suddenly turned into a brigand. He pulled out a
knife from under his saffron robe.
' Hand me the money or I will kill you' he whispered and raised his hand to
strike.
Udayar was completely taken by surprise. The bag in his hand dropped to the
ground and he raised his hand to ward off the trust of the knife, but not
quickly enough and the knife made a deep gash in his left arm.
But he quickly regained his presence of mind. ' You rogue ! he shouted. ' Who
do you think I am ? ' With his left hand he got hold of the man's flowing
beard, pulled him down and with his right, he punched him and tried to make
him drop his knife.
The sadhu who had expected any resistance was confounded. He slashed wildly
with his knife, but Udayar would not let go of his beard. ' I will make you
pay for this ! Using the name of God to kill and rob people ! You ought to be
whipped in public! ' Udayar went on punching him and kicking him until he
dropped his knife.
All that the sadhu now wanted was to escape. ' Let me go ! Let me go !' he
pleaded.
Still holding his beard, Udayar picked up the knife and dragged the pleading
man on to the main road. And that was how two farmers, returning from their
farms found the victim and the culprit.
When Udayar explained the situation to them and told them who he was, they
thrashed the sadhu soundly and tied him up to be handed over to the police,
Udayar collapsed with weariness and exhaustion, and from the injuries he had
suffered They took him to their cottage for the night and the next morning,
he was taken in a bullock cart to be admitted into the General Hospital that
had already been set up in Trichinopoly.
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