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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
Chapter XXV
But reconciliation - even when both parties are eager for it - cannot be
brought about easily. It has to be done without humiliation and without loss of
face to either party if it is to be successful. This is particularly so between
husband and wife. The husband cannot go across to the wife and just say, ' I am
sorry I sent you away. It was my fault; please come back.' It should appear as
if the reunion was almost by accident and quite unintentional.
So, having agreed to do what Meena wanted, Udayar waited for just such an
opportunity. Meanwhile, Ganapathy had paid a visit to Chinnamma's village,
ostensibly to buy some bullocks and dropped in to see Chinnamma quite casually.
After the usual enquiries, he said, ' It is not right that you should be living
here Amma; we all miss you in the big house.'
' What is destined will happen Ganapathy,' she said. ' Such things are not in
our hands.'
But she knew that Ganapathy would not have broached the subject without his
master's knowledge and consent, and she was secretly happy. But she could not
demean herself by showing an over-eagerness to go to her husband's home after
all that had happened. At the same time, Ganapathy understood that she would be
glad to be reunited. If not, she would have vehemently protested at his
suggestion. So, the hint had been dropped and understood.
Udayar wanted to send his horse and cart with a message asking his wife to come,
but Meena said, ' No, you left her, so you must go and bring her back.
Otherwise, you will humiliate her and her family. And even if she came, she
would always feel that shame.'
Udayar did not want to go there to invite her, because he felt his own dignity
was at stake. But the opportunity was provided by the death of one of
Chinnamma's relations and Udayar had to go to the funeral. Naturally, he was
invited to stay in Chinnamma's parents' house. He spoke to her parents and after
the funeral ceremonies were over, brought Chinnamma back to his own home.
Life with Chinnamma in Achipatti was very different from his life with Meena in
Palayam. His wife was a simple, peasant girl ith only the rudiments of
education. She was shy and timid and had to take on the management of the
household straight away without any help or criticism from a mother-inlaw. She
did not know the art of conversation or the ways of pleasing men. She ministered
to her husband's needs, cooked his food herself though there was a paid cook,
and served it herself. But she knew so much more than Meena about the management
of the farms, about crops, about the farm workers and their problems. Udayar
found that he could entrust a lot of the work to his wife. Her love was of that
fierce, possessive kind, and having been neglected so long, she was determined
never to lose him again. Udayar found this a totally new experience. After the
initial antagonism and shyness had worn off, he began to be pleased and amused
with his wife But tbe picture of Meena kept intruding itself on his mind's eye,
and without realising it, he tended to compare the two. Meena's name was never
mentioned. Offlcially, she did not exist and had never existed.
Before he left her, Meena had told him not to come back for at least a month.
' Stay with your wife for as long as you can,' she had said. ' Let her get used
to you and to her new surroundings. When she is well settled, then if you feel
like it, you can come back to me for a few days.'
' I shall miss you Meena,' he said.
' I shall miss you too, but it is for the best.'
Now Udayar found himself counting the days before he could get back to Meena.
Exactly one month, he gave his instructions to Ganapathy about what was to be
done during his absence. Chinnamma knew he was going away, instinctively, she
felt he was going to see Meena. Just before his departure, he came to her.
' I will be away for a few days,' he said by way of goodbye.
She could not even say ' yes ' though she tried to desperately. There was a
lump in her throat so that she could not speak. She kept her eyes averted from
him so that he might not see her tears.
' I have given instructions about everything to Ganapathy and things should be
all right.'
Still she did not reply.
' I will go and come,' he said using the customary words of farewell, got on his
horse and rode away.
Chinnamma did not know what to do. In Achipatti she had no friends or close
relatives in whom she could confide. Her mother's home was far away. In any
case, she did not want to go there lest it be considered an act of protest by
her husband. When he came and invited her to come back with him, nothing was
mentioned about Meena. Somehow, she had assumed in her innocence that he had
perhaps given her up, though he had promised nothing. Her parents, of course,
knew that he probably would not give up Meena, but they did not want to raise
the issue in case the reunion did not materialise. ' Time will solve these
problems', they told themselves. Now, she wondered if she should go back to her
parents. But she knew what life was like in her parents' home. When she was an
unmarried girl, she was the darling of everyone, petted and spoiled by her
parents and brothers. Her sisters-in-law had deferred to her in everything.
But when she had to stay on as a discarded wife, life was very different. There
was kindness and pity, but she was none the less a burden. There were veiled
references to her status by her sisters-in-law. At least now, in Achipatti, she
was the mistress of her own home. She did not have to depend on anybody. She
could nurse her grievance in secret. She also knew that many wealthy men had
mistresses and that it was not considered a particularly bad thing in a man.
But she had her pride. She loved her husband, not in the romantic or even in
the carnal sense of the word, but in a true spiritual sense, in the tradition
of the chaste heroines of Hindu mythology. Her husband was her lord and master,
not only in this life, but in every rebirth and regeneration until they attained
salvation. Even if he did wrong, her own love and chastity should be strong
enough to protect him from evil. She used all these arguments to excuse her
husband and to convince herself that she should not worry. But she had the
heart of a woman and it ached with pain, and a sense of shame and humiliation
at the thought that her husband preferred another woman for his pleasures. So
she did what any other wife of her generation would have done under similar
circumstances. She went and lay down in her room. She would not eat, and the
entreaties of the servants were of no avail. In the darkness and the loneliness
of her room, she could weep unhindered and unseen by anyone. The fasting was a
kind of atonement for any sins she might have committed in her former life,
apart from the fact that she didn't feel like eating.
On the third day, a servant girl came and told her, ' Amma, the master has
come.' So Chinnamma got up, tidied herself and behaved as if nothing had
happened. Udayar didn't seem to notice any difference. As was his nature, he
behaved in a rather brusque and abrupt manner with his wife in public, but was
tender and considerate in private. Still, Chinnamma could not get over the
thought that probably he was even more tender with his mistress, and so her
brief pleasures was tinged with sadness.
Periodically, Udayar would go away and Chinnamma would retire into her room.
Gradually, she learnt to adiust herself to the routine of his departures, at
least she thought she was learning. Chinnamma often wondered if she should
discuss the matter with her husband. But how was one to start ? What if he
should be angry ? One night, when all the servants had gone to bed and Udayar
was in a tender mood, she asked him suddenly, ' Is she so much better than
me ? '
' What ! ' Udayar said in surprise. His tenderness vanished. ' Don't ask me
such silly questions.'
' I am not complaining; I merely wanted to know,' she said miserably. She was
beginning to cry.
' If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be here at all,' his voice was hoarse.
' Just remember that ! '
The next morning, he got on his horse and rode away. She felt she had driven
him away from her and was all the more miserable. Nor could she understand the
meaning of his words, ' if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be here at all.'
What did he mean by that ? Tha a wife should owe her place in her husband's
house to the goodwill of the mistress was something she could not understand.
The more she thought about it, the more humiliating it seemed to her. After
pondering a great deal, she decided that to be with her husband by the
permission of the mistress was worse than the minor humiliations of her
parents' home. If she didn't like it beyond a certain point, there was of
course that ultirnate way out - suicide. But before deciding on it, she wanted
to go back to her parents just once and ask their advice. She told one of the
servants to have the bullock cart ready. It was then that Ganapathy who had
been a silent and sympathetic spectator so far came and spoke to her.
' Are you going somewhere Amma ? ' he asked innocently.
' Yes Ganapathy, I am going to my parents,' she tried to keep the tears back.
' The master was annoyed over something, wasn't he ? '
' I suppose so.'
' Because, he was not due to go to Palayam until next week.' Ganapathy observed
in his slow, sympathetic manner ' Amma, I don't know what happened between you
yesterday, but I want you to listen to me. After you have heard me, if you still
want to go to your parents' house, you can do so. But now, please tell him to
untie the bullocks.'
So, the bullocks were unyoked and Chinnamma went into the house. Ganapathy
followed her.
' It is not right you should be miserable like this,' he said in his halting
way. ' I will tell you everything that has happened, so that you can understand
how these things have come about.' So, beginning with Udayar's quarrel with his
uncle, Ganapathy told the whole story. He told Chinnamma how Udayar had met
Meena, how she did not know that he was married and how she left him when she
found out about it. Meena giving up dancing, the loss of her baby, her visit to
the Swamiji and the temple where her decision was approved and how she had
persuaded Udayar to take Chinnamma back. Ganapathy did not leave a thing out.
It took a long time, and Chinnamma listened with rapt attention. He concluded,
' So, you see Amma, Meena is not an ordinary devadaasi who takes money in
return for the pleasures she provides. She is very fond of our master and has
proved it many times.'
' That makes it all the harder for me, doesn't it ? '
' You should not think like that,' said Ganapathy. ' She has always wanted you
to be happy; so you should not try to make her miserable in your happiness.
Whether you succeed or fail, it will be bad for both of you. You should think
of her as a sister rather than as a rival or an enemy. I can assure you she is
one in a thousand.'
Chinnamma was confused. She had always thought of devadaasies as a set of lose,
money grabbing women with no moral sense. But here was one whose sense of
fairness seemed to be above her own. On the other hand, she still did not like
to think of her own happiness as being the result of another woman's unsolicited
generosity.
' She probably thought she would lose him in any case,' she ventured when
Ganapathy had finished. ' That is probably why she sent him to me.'
' No Amma, it is not so,' Ganapathy remonstrated. ' It was because she thought
it was wrong for you to be neglected. She told us: "I cannot build my happiness
on the foundations of another woman's sorrow." That shows how good she is.'
'She must be very fond of him, I suppose.'
' She is. She will do anything for him.'
Talking to Ganapathy was a great relief to her. It was better than fasting
and brooding. She now thought of Meena and wondered what sort of a person she
was and how she could emulate her. She was probably not only attractive, but
was educated and sophisticated, and could talk about things in which men were
interested. She herself knew only about farm work and running a house. ' I bet
she doesn't know the different between a sheep and a goat,' she thought, to
console herself. But it was poor consolation when she knew that her husband
was, at that very moment, spending his time in her company.
Ganapathy came again to talk to her the next day and she found a peculiar
satisfaction in talking to him about Meena.
' After all, many men have two wives living in the same house,' continued
Ganapathy more or less from where he had left off the previous day. ' But you
are the sole mistress in your own home. So you should not begrudge master a
bit of pleasure.'
' But she is not his wife ! ' Chinnamma cried. ' A wife is respectable but a
mistress..well, she is only a mistress. He goes to her not because he is married
to her, but because, he wants to. That is what hurts me.'
' You know Amma, if you meet her, you would like her. She is so much like you
in many ways.'
' I suppose she is very clever and attractive.'
' She has told me so often she would like to meet you.'
' How can I meet a woman like that ? ' Chinnamma was offended. ' What will
people say ? I don't want to compare myself with her in any way.'
' There is no question of comparison, Amma,' Ganapathy smiled. ' She knows her
place and she will give you the respect that is due to your position. She will
not make you feel hurt or anything like that.'
' Why, have you talked to her about me ? '
' Every time I go there she asks after you, how you are getting on, whether
you are happy and whether master treats you nicely. The first time after you
came here, she sent master away after only three days because she said it was
not right for you to be left alone for too long. Since you were new here, she
thought you would be worried and upset.'
After a few more conversations with Ganapathy, Chinnamma's hatred of Meena
slowly turned to curiosity and then to grudging admiration. She must be an
unusual kind of woman, Chinnamma thought, to send a man away to his wife when
she herself had no hold over him. Perhaps, she was not as bad as she had
imagined her to be. It would be interesting to find out what it was that
attracted her husband to her. Chinnamma had no friends of her own in the
village as yet Nor had she any sisters with whom she could discuss things
Gradually, she got used to the idea of meeting Meena, if only to see how she
could beat her at her own game.
But any such meeting would have to be in secret and without Udayar's knowledge.
It had to be at a time when Udayar was in Achipatti and Chinnamma would have to
find an excuse for going to Palayam. It was, of course, impossible for Meena to
come to Achipatti.
One day, when Udayar had just returned from Palayam Chinnamma went to him.
' I haven't been to see my parents for a long time. I would like to go and see
how they are getting on.'
'Why didn't you go while I was in Palayam instead of running away as soon as
I return ? ' he grumbled. He was now used to Chinnamma managing things and
would miss her if she were away.
' I will be away only for one night,' she said. ' On my way back I want to buy
some things in Palayam.' That way, even if Udayar came to know of her presence
in Palayam, she had an explanation.
' Women are always buying things and spending money,' he grumbled.
' I would like to take Ganapathy with me.'
' Yes, take him. At least, he will see to it that you are not cheated by the
shopkeepers.'
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