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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
Chapter IV
Evening after evening, when Ganapathi was safely out of the way, Muthu talked
to Meena. ' Why don't you comb your hair, make up your face and go to the
temple ? How do you expect people to remember you if, after one performance,
you hide yourself in your house as if you were in mourning ? Don't you want
people to see you and to admire you ? '
' I went to the temple this morning to worship and to offer puja; that is
enough.'
' But it is in the evening that wealthy young men come to the temple to see the
dancing girls !'
' I don't want wealthy young men to see me.'
' And what if this man should leave you ? ' Muthu shouted. ' Are you married to
him ? Did he take you as his lawful, wedded wife before the holy fire and
before an assembly of elders ? He can walk out any time and you have no
protection; no appeal. You have no rights recognized by society to retain your
man. You have to fend for yourself and make the best you can of your life. You
ought to get what you can out of him and then leave him if a more wealthy
patron is available.'
' Don't you see, mother,' Meena pleaded. ' He loves me and I love him. He will
not leave me and I certainly shall not leave him.'
' How silly you are ! ' Muthu laughed bitterly. ' Love is a luxury we in our
profession cannot afford. Anyhow, what do you know of this man ? May be he has
a wife tucked away in his village. Even if he hasn't, his relations will make
sure that he gets married and has legitimate children who can light his funeral
pyre so that his soul can go to heaven. In that case, where will you be ? '
Meena started weeping. ' How can you talk like that mother ? ' she cried. ' For
the first time in my life, I have known freedom from anxiety and worry. Now I
know what love and security mean. And I am infinitely grateful to him for
having made all this possible.'
' Yes, he is a clever man,' Muthu said slowly. ' I begin to see his plan. He
has given you freedom from worry, made you feel secure and complacent. But if
he should leave you tomorrow, you will be exactly where you were before;
perhaps worse since you are no longer a virgin. There is not one thing that he
has given that can be converted into money ! '
' But I trust him ! ' Meena shouted in spite of her tears.
' Look Meena', Muthu spoke slowly and deliberately in order to emphasize her
words. ' We are deva daasies - servants of God. Our loyalty is to our art and
our devotion is to the temple. We may offer our bodies to any man, even enjoy
doing it; but we do not mortgage our emotions to any human being. That is our
tradition and that is our duty, our dharma, if you like.'
' How can I be true to God or loyal to my art if I am disloyal to my lover and
protector ? '
Muthu came and hugged her daughter with affection ' Poor child ! ' she cried. '
You have lost your heart to this selfish man who is only interested in his
pleasures. It happens to all of us sometimes. But it is the worst thing that
can happen to a deva daasi, for men are fickle where we are concerned. They
will be loyal to their wives even when they hate them; they will protect them
even when they don't need protection, because society expects them to do so.
But they will leave us at the slightest provocation. And we suffer not only the
miseries of a lost love but also because of the missed opportunities with other
men.'
' He will not leave me, mother.'
' What a fool you are ! ' Muthu shouted in anger. Her sympathy and
understanding of a few moments ago had disappeared. ' Love has made you lose
your senses.'
But the argument was not yet over. There was only a respite before the next
stage of the battle. Meena felt helpless, because she was young and
inexperienced, and because she loved her mother. Muthu was clever and knew all
the arguments.
' Peace and contentment and happiness are not for us,' the mother argued. '
Ours is a life of excitement, of ecstasy. People might tease us or humiliate
us, but we find a rare fulfillment through our art. How can you give up such a
life in preference to a drab, monotonous existence which does not even
guarantee security for the future ? '
' Yes, I will miss my dancing,' Meena agreed. ' I wish there was some way by
which I could go on dancing without having to put up with all that it implies.
But if I have to choose between love and art, I will have no hesitation in
choosing love.'
' And after all I have done for you ! ' Muthu shouted. ' For the past ten
years, I have slaved and humiliated myself and had you trained so that in you I
could see myself dancing, so that you will earn the fame that eluded me. And
this is how you repay me ! '
This was perhaps the wrong approach and Muthu realized it the moment she had
spoken. Meena looked at her mother, long and hard. ' I know all you have done
for me, mother,' she said. ' Don't think am ungrateful. I know only too well
the mean and low men you have had to please, the creditors you have had to
satisfy and my heart cried all that while for you. I used to wonder which of
these men who came to see you was my father. Though I was young, I knew all
about these things, our profession makes one understand them at a very young
age. But I didn't realize you did these things in order to mold me in your own
image; to make me go through the same life that you did, perhaps a little
better, perhaps a little worse. You see, I don't want the same things to happen
to me when I am older. I want to look after you in your old age, but I want to
do it without humiliating myself. I am lucky to have found a man whom I can
love and respect; I am going to stick to him.'
The argument went on day after day. There were tears and recriminations,
appeals to love and tradition and duty, and above all, to future self-interest.
' Has he bought you any jewelry ?' Muthu demanded. ' Any saris ? Who will
believe he is fond of you ? '
' He has brought us peace and security.' Meena countered. ' Isn't that enough ?
He has brought us dignity and a sense of pride in ourselves. The tradesmen talk
to you with respect now. Young men do not wink at me or make sly jokes about my
face and figure in an indecent way. Isn't that enough ? '
' As if these things will feed you when he has gone ! '
' But he will not be gone ! '
Then, Muthu tried a totally new line of argument. ' Do you know if he is
married ? ' she asked. ' Has he any children? Has he told you anything about
his family ? '
' He is not married; if he is, he would have told me.'
' But has he told you ? '
' No, he has not told me in so many words,' Meena shouted. ' But his parents
are dead and he was brought up by his uncle with whom he has quarreled. He is
his own master.'
' What about that uncle of his ? '
' You know has a court case against him because of the dispute over the
partition of ancestral property.'
On another occasion, Muthu brought up the subject of a zamindar who had come to
town in search of adventure. ' I believe he is very wealthy and has lots of
diamonds on his fingers,' she said.
' I am not interested in any zamindar,' Meena replied coldly.
' You never know,' Muthu speculated. ' This man of yours may not turn up. So,
it is better to be on the look out and let people know you have not gone
completely into purdah.'
' Look mother, I don't want you to speak to anyone about me.'
But all the same, Meena was getting worried and lonely. Ganapathi was like a
good watch dog, affectionate and obedient but hardly good company. Before all
this happened, Meena had her dancing lessons, her music and the exciting
anticipation of the first performance. But now, she found time hanging heavy on
her hands, with nothing to do but worry or argue with her mother. Muthu's
constant arguments were beginning to have their effect. Doubts were beginning
to eat into Meena's soul. Will he come back soon ? Will he keep his promises ?
Perhaps her mother was right. She has had a lot of experience with men. May be,
men were fickle as she said, and her man was no exception. She turned to
Ganapathi in her misery.
' When do you think he will come, Ganapathi ? '
' I don't know, Amma,' he said. ' It is sowing time in the fields and until
that is over, he won't stir out of the village. He also has this dispute with
his uncle and he said he was going to settle it one way or another.'
' My mother says he will soon get tired of me and leave me.'
' He is not like that,' Ganapathi assured her. ' I have never known my master
give his word and then go back on it.'
' But I am lonely and miserable. Mother keeps saying I should practice my
dancing and not give up my profession.'
' If you break your part of the bargain and start dancing, then he will have
nothing more to do with you.'
' I do wish he would come back.'
The priests from the temple had also been trying to persuade Meena to continue
with her dancing. A young, attractive dancer was a great asset to any temple.
She drew crowds during festival times and she created a new interest at other
times.
' Don't forget you are a servant of God,' they reminded her. ' You are in fact
married to God by virtue of your vows. It is your duty to dedicate your talents
to His service. You must dance in the temple to please God as well as His
devotees. You cannot break the tradition of a thousand years. To break your vow
would be a sacrilege.'
There was a minor festival coming up in the temple and Muthu and the priests
between them succeeded in persuading Meena to agree to dance on that occasion.
' I am not asking you to give up your man or take up with another,' Muthu
argued. ' I am only asking you to keep your own vow to God.'
So the dance teacher was sent for. Muthu and the teacher between them selected
the dances, keeping in view the occasion. That evening, there was music and the
jingle of bells emanating from Muthu's house as Meena practiced these dances.
It gave her a new satisfaction as she went through the various selections and
the physical exertion as well as the emotional tension contributing to it.
' What is this I hear Amma ? ' Ganapathy asked Meena. ' You are going to dance
at the temple.'
' It is true Ganapathy,' Meena wailed. ' What can I do ? The priests are
threatening me with the wrath of God and my mother is shouting at me. It is
nearly a month and he hasn't come.'
Ganapathy walked the whole night and reached Achipatti village the next
morning. He reported to his master what had happened.
' If she wants to go back to her dancing, let her go,' Udayar muttered in
anger.
' No sir,' Ganapathy pleaded. ' She does not want to go back. But she cannot
withstand the joint efforts of the priests and her mother. She is young and
afraid. How long can a young girl who is just past childhood withstand such
pressures ? If you go to her now, she will refuse to dance.'
' But it would cause trouble with the temple authorities.'
' If she stays in the town and does not dance, it would cause trouble,'
Ganapathi said. ' But if you take her away somewhere for a few days, by the
time you come back, people would have forgotten all about it.'
Udayar thought for a few minutes. ' I am wondering if she is worth all that
trouble,' he said aloud.
' She is loyal and decent sir,' Ganapathy said. ' And she is very fond of you.'
Further, Ganapathy added a bit of practical wisdom. ' You have already spent a
lot of money settling her mother's debts, apart from the household expenses.'
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