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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
CHAPTER VI
They left by train the same afternoon. It was a new experience for Meena.
In many ways, she was still a child with a child's sense of wonder and
a child's curiosity. She was delighted by little things and was
constantly asking questions. She had never had any toys and had rarely
played with other children. Her life had been one of dedication and
discipline, with dancing lessons for two or three hours a day, in addition
to her schooling and her mother's instructions on the life of a deva
daasi. She had never left her little town and a train journey was the most
exciting thing that could have happened to her young life. At first,
her enthusiasm was somewhat tempered by the anxiety she felt on her mother's
account. But, in the sights and sounds of the journey, she soon forgot
all about it. The noise of the engine, the bustle of people trying to get
into the compartments, the clanging of bells, the green and red flags of the
Anglo-Indian guard who seemed to have the power of the almighty himself,
the shouting of the vendors of refreshments, all these made her open her
eyes with wonder.
She chatted like a little girl, not like one running away with her lover.
' Look ! Look ! The engine is going back ! Will we have to pay extra
for it ? '
' Can I buy myself some sweets ? ' ' Who is that man with the red turban ? '
' There are some sadhus getting into the train. Will they also have to
buy tickets ? '
' Are there separate compartments for the untouchable ? '
As the routine of arrival and departure was repeated at each station, Meena
put her head out of the window and watched with mounting fascination, the
moving crowds of humanity that always seemed to be present at Indian railway
stations irrespective of the time of day.
Udayar, as a man of the world and as one who had traveled twice before on
a railway, satisfied her curiosity and she was duly impressed by his knowledge
of the world.
When the excitement of the journey began to wear off, she was immersed in
pangs of remorse about her mother and about her dancing at the temple.
' I have left my mother to the mercy of the temple priests. I don't know what
they have done to her.'
' Don't worry,' Udayar soothed her. ' Those brahmins will sell their souls
for five rupees. If your mother gives them some money and performs some pujas,
they would be more than satisfied.'
' How can you talk like that about the priests of the temple?' Meena
chided him.
' Because I know them ', Udayar replied. ' They may be priests and we may
have to depend on them, but they are greedy men and more interested in making
money than anyone else.'
' We should have brought her away with us,' Meena felt. ' Then there would
not have been any trouble. And when we got back, we could always have explained
it, saying that it was a divine call from Sri Rangam and we had to obey it.'
Udayar was disgusted at the idea and told her so.
' But she is my mother,' Meena argued. ' She has sacrificed everything for my
sake and it is my duty to look after her. You don't know what humiliations
she has had to suffer in her life. Further, I am fond of her.'
Their first halt was Sri Rangam, the famous Vaishnavite temple town. Though
Meena had never traveled before, thanks to the training in dancing that she
had received she knew all the mythology as well as history associated with
the temple, and was able to enlighten Udayar about many things. The presiding
deity at the famous big temple was the same as at Palayam, Lord Ranganatha,
Vishnu the creator in reclining form. Meena was, therefore, familiar with all
the ceremonies and traditions of the temple. She told him of the birth of Andal,
the garland maker's daughter, the girl who fell in love with Lord Ranganatha,
and of her ultimate salvation. Meena could sing the hymns of Andal as well as
the other saint poets of the Vaishnavite world and her feet itched to dance
and her mind was totally absorbed in devotion. ' Do you know that the famous
poet Kambar is supposed to have sung his Ramayana here in this thousand pillared
hall, nearly eight hundred years ago ? ' she asked Udayar. He didn't know and
didn't much care. She knew all about the various festivals that were celebrated
there and their times. Udayar was overwhelmed by her knowledge. She insisted
on going to all the minor shrines that surrounded the temple. Her soul was
immersed in an orgy of devotion. She kept telling herself and her lover
constantly, ' I never thought I would worship here; to be blessed like this
is truly rewarding !' a sentiment which Udayar found rather disconcerting.
When Udayar was uninterested in her stories, she chided him. ' You have no
culture, no appreciation of art, no sense of tradition; even worship at the
temple is a boring duty you perform in order to reserve for yourself a place
in heaven. I may be only a deva daasi, but I love God; I love music and poetry,
particularly when it is devotional poetry in praise of the Lord. Don't you
realize thousands will sing these poems long after you and I are forgotten ? '
' They are very nice to listen to,' Udayar admitted. ' But when I have
listened to them for some time, I want to do something active.'
' Your idea of something active is a new way of making money ', she said.
He spread his hands wide. ' It is money that makes all this possible,'
he countered. ' Without my earning money, where will you be ? '
' I suppose we have to work and earn money ', Meena admitted. Her attitude
towards money was that of any artist and Udayar had difficulty in
understanding it. ' I hate the life of atemple dancer. But I wish
there was some way of dancing, entertaining the public and pleasing myself,
even earning money, and yet leading a respectable life. And I do wish you
were a little more interested in the finer things of life.'
' Well, I am interested in horses,' he smiled. ' There is nothing in God's
creation finer than a horse.'
' When I use the word " finer ", I refer to the things of the spirit not
horses,' she said somewhat sarcastically and Udayar was a little disappointed.
In a few days, Udayar realized that it was one thing to attend to his
affairs during the day and sleep with Meena during the night, and a different
thing altogether to have her on his hands for twenty-four hours a
day. In his own town, he was the master, able to dictate terms and demand
implicit obedience. But in an atmosphere of religion and culture, he found
that Meena had the upper hand; she knew so much more, could converse with
priests and sadhus intelligently, could strike up friendships with other
women and participate in religious discussions. Udayar was at a disadvantage
in all this. Music and religion had a small place in his life and to spend
whole days in such activity was boring to him in the extreme. Further, he was
used to thinking of Meena as a mere dancing girl, as one who was beneath him
socially and unimportant in other respects. He tended to relegate her to
the background in everything. But now, in this environment and where her
origins were not known, it was he who was being ignored by others and
treated as a satellite of Meena. It was difficult for him to adjust himself
to such a role; nor could he participate fully in these activities. He could
only spend money and demand service. In Palayam, Meena had thought of Udayar
as being next only to God. He was so confident and masterful in dealing with
men and affairs. But in the cosmopolitan atmosphere of the big temple, where
people rich and poor came from many parts of India, he was just one of many.
His limitations and inadequacies were exposed to her and her own superiority
at least in some things made apparent. Because of this feeling, combined with
her own enthusiasm for everything around her, she tended to take him for
granted.
One of the men at the choultry where they were staying remarked to Udayar one
day. ' That wife of yours is a highly educated woman for her age; it is not
often that girls from our class are as knowledgeable as that. All they know
is cooking and having children. You are a very lucky man to have found such
a wife.'
For some odd reason, this made Udayar angry instead of pleasing him.
' Most of us find such qualities only in our mistresses,' the man continued.
' But the trouble with them is, they are only interested in money.'
They stayed in one of the higher class choultries that abound in temple cities.
Choultries were places of shelter and rest built by philanthropic people
particularly in temple towns for the benefit of travelers. In the days when
there were no hotels, they performed a useful social function. Accommodation
was usually free and simple, and the living was more or less communal.
Occasionally, for a very small sum, people could have a small private room.
Udayar and Meena managed to get a small room for themselves for
sleeping and for keeping their few belongings. The people who saw them
assumed that they were a young married couple on pilgrimage in fulfill a vow
or because they hadn't had children. But people did look at Meena a little
curiously, because her clothes did not conform to what was usually worn by
upper class women when they visited temples. They usually dressed in simple
but fairly expensive clothes while Meena's were cheap and gaudy, bought by
her mother, as being squick to notice this and told Udayar about it. She also noticed that people
with money did not travel carrying bundles but had steel trunks which were
carried by porters to and from the station.
So the couple went shopping and bought themselves a steel trunk to keep their
clothes in, a bed roll with a couple of pillows and blankets for sleeping and
a bronze ' kooja 'a round water container with a screw top. She also bought
herself two saris, sober and suitable for a young married woman. Meena was
very proud of her new possessions and she kept producing the kooja at every
opportunity so that the other women could admire it. Though most men even
wealthy ones went bare bodied, Meena noticed that a few of the
well to-do young men wore shirts, not when they went to the temple of course,
but at other times. They were useful since they had pockets in which one could
keep money instead of having it tied in a knot at the end of one's dhoti.
They also kept one warm on cold evenings and it seemed to be the fashion.
After a lot of persuasion, Udayar agreed to have two shirts made and even
wore them on one or two occasions. But he felt more comfortable with his
upper cloth during the day and the red shawl in the evenings. Meena also
managed to persuade him to go to the barber once a week for a shave. She was
proud of his appearance with all these improvements, but Ramaswamy Udayar
not easily adjusted to the urban ways of living considered these a waste of
money.
The relationship between Udayar and Meena was initially based on sex. In Palayam, it
had dominated their lives and they had been happy with each other. Gradually,
it was maturing into a deeper affection. But during this pilgrimage, Meena
had been over-whelmed by the things she saw and heard; her spirit had been
suffused with devotion and feelings of Godliness. 'The wonderful sculptures
she saw, the hymns she heard every morning and evening in the temple, the
discussions she listened to all these gave a new meaning to life as far as
she was concerned. Consequently, she did not seem to be interested in sex
any longer and either put her lover off or gave in half heatedly. This made
Udayar feel at first disappointed, and later, angry. But there was nothing
he could do about it, for Meena was so pleasant, so enthusiastic and so
thankful to him for having made it all possible. Nevertheless, they were
heading towards a crisis and it wasn't long in coming.
One day, Meena wanted to buy a wooden doll she had seen in one of the shops.
' What do you want a toy for? ' Udayar asked. His temper was wearing thin.
' You are not a child.'
' But I have never had one in my life ! '
Udayar had bought a lot of things for Meena though he considered them a
waste of money. He did not protest then, but now he did. ' You are always
buying things ! Have you any idea of the value of money ? '
' It only costs one rupee and it is so artistically done,' she cried.
' And it will be a memento of this wonderful trip.'
' First you have to buy a steel trunk and then, you have to buy all kinds
of rubbish to put ;t in,' he shouted. ' Is there no end to this shopping
madness ? '
Meena started crying at what she considered was an unmerited attack. ' I
am not asking you to buy me a diamond necklace ! ' she moaned. ' I am
not asking for gold laced saris ! That zamindar who wanted to see me would
have bought me gold bangles and necklaces, my mother said. And you begrudge
me a miserable toy ! '
He slapped her then; slapped her hard. She reeled under his blow. ' You
and your mother ! ' he shouted. ' You are now showing the true qualities
of your caste ! Here is the money for the return journey. Go ! I do
not want to see your face again ! ' and he walked away.
But she followed him like a faithful puppy that had been thrashed for being
naughty. Her hand instinctively went to her cheek which was turning red and
smarting from the blow. She followed him with tears in her eyes, unmindful
of the stares of the passers-by.
When they reached their room in the choultry, he ignored her completely.
She waited and tried to plead with him, but it was no use. ' Take all your
clothes and your precious steel trunk and go !' he said.
' Whatever happens, I am not going back to my mother,' Meena shouted back.
' So, I don't need this money. If you don't want me, I am going to die.'
She waited for a few minutes. There was no response from him. She threw the
money on the floor and walked out.
Suddenly, he realized what had happened, remembered her words, got up and
followed her. He did not know which way she had gone, but he felt it must be
in the direction of the river. So, he made his way there.
From a distance, he saw her going down the steps of the bathing ghat and
shouted after her ! ' Meena ! Meena ! Come back ! ' Either she did not hear
him or did not want to hear him. He ran after her and waded into the water
as she was getting into the deeper part of the stream, caught the end of her
sari and dragged her out. ' If you didn't want me, why did you come after
me ? ' she cried. ' Death would have ended all my troubles ! ' ' Meena !
Meena girl ! ' was all he could say. A crowd was gathering and people began to
ask what had happened. ' Come, let us go away from here,' he said. And in their
wet clothes, they walked back to the choultry. People who saw them thought
that they must have taken a vow to walk in wet clothes to the temple every
day. The next day, they went and bought the wooden doll which had started all
the trouble. ' I am going to call this doll " Kaveri " after the holy river,'
said Meena. 'Yes,' Udayar agreed. 'The next time we have a quarrel you say,
" Kaveri" and we will make up.'
This incident made Udayar realize the deep affection Meena had for him.
And Meena learnt that she could not afford to take him for granted. From
then on, their relationship acquired a deeper meaning and a more permanent
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