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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
CHAPTER VII
They went to Rameshwaram, Madurai, Chidambaram and Tanjore before returning
home after two months. Meena would have liked to go on longer and to visit
more places, but Udayar was gettin bored and restless.
Thoughts of return brought to Meena the problems that were awaiting her.
'I wonder how mother is getting on,' she said. '
If I know anything of her, she would have run up some more debts,' Udayar
said sarcastically. ' Olherwise, she would be perfectly all right.'
' I wish you would like my mother a little better.'
' I would, if only she didn't try to persuade you to give me up at evey
opportunity.'
' Do you realise what I am giving up in order to stay with you? ' she asked.
' Dancing is in my blood. It tears my soul in two when I have to choose
between you and dancing.'
' Look Meena,' Udayar spoke seriously. ' When we go back, you are not going
to live with your mother. Ganapathy would have made arrangements for you to
live in a different area of the town. Your mother can continue to live where
she is now and I will pay her an allowance so that she can lead a decent
life in her old age. Or if she chooses, she can live with you. But it will
be on the strict undersanding that she does not interfere with us in any
way whatsoever. Personally, I would prefe for her to stay where she is
at present.
' You have made all these arrangements without consulting me ? '
' Yes, it is for a man to decide these things; further, you are too young
to understand the ways of your mother.'
' Yes, it is for a man to decide these things for his wife,' she retrted.
' But I am not your wife. If you leave me tomorrow, I have no one to care
for me. Under these circumstances, don't you think you should ask me first ? '
' I am not in the habit of breaking my word,' he thundered. ' So, you need
not worry about not being looked after. I decide things for you just as if
you were my wife. But I don't like all-this talk about missing your dancing.
If you are not sufficiently fond of me, if in your heart of hearts, you
really do not want to give up dancing, now is the time for you to say so,
once and for all,'
' What love, what understanding you have shown ! ' she shouted back. ' All
I ask for is a little appreciation of my sacrifice, some understanding of
the dilemma in which I am placed. But you can only talk about Udayars never
breaking their word ! I wouldn't mind even if you broke your word so long
as you understood me. Is that too much to ask of one's lover ? '
' I am sorry I tend to treat you like a child,' he confessed. ' I had not
visualised your growing up so fast.'
' Yes, when I met you, I was still a little girl giving her first performance,'
she turned and looked at him. ' But these months have taught me many things
and I am much older.'
Udayar thought for a while. ' When we get back, you decide what you want to
do,' he yielded. ' If you want lo go back to your dancing, you do so; if you
want to live with your mother, you may. Or you may accept my offer and take
the house that Ganapathy would have fixed up by now.'
' If I start dancing, will you stop seeing me ? '
' I don't know,' he mused. ' After all that has happened, it will be hard for
me not to see you. When Ganapathy came and told you had agreed to dance at the
temple, my first reaction was to let you, and forget the whole thing. But it
is not the same now. Since we started on this journey, we have been through
too much together to be able to part that easily. We have become mutually
too involved.' He looked up and gazed into her eyes. ' But I certainly will
not see you if I have the slightest suspicion that you were thinking of other
men.'
Meena smiled. ' You know why I agreed to dance at the temple ? ' she asked.
' It was not so much because of mother's pleading or the persuasion of the
priests. I wanted to see if you would come back to stop me or would ignore it.'
' Women are hard to understand,' he muttered.
' If I am to give up dancing, then I must get away from my mother's house,'
she said. ' The entire atmosphere there is saturated with music and art, and
it is better to get out of it.Yes, I will live in the house that Ganapathy has
arranged. My mother can do as she likes.'
They sat silent for a while. Then Udayar spoke. ' You know Meena,' he said.
' We come from different worlds; mine is based on security, stability and
respectability; yours, on the thrills and desires of the moment. The only
meeting point between us has been sex. Only, in our case, it has become
something much stronger. But the fact remains that our worlds are separate.
Which of our worlds is better. I don't know. But I do know I cannot change.
Is it too much to ask to change? '
Meena realised that this type of introspection was a great effort for Udayar.
He had attempted it only for her sake. In a way it was a compliment to her.
' Yes, I too want to change,' she agreed. ' I do not like dancer's life as it
is at present. But when I hear music, my heart leaps and my feet itch to keep
time to the tune. My mind is filled with divine emotion and my face is dying
to express it. How many times have I looked longingly at my dance costumes
and my ankle bells and wondered if I would ever wear them again ! I don't like
the life of degradation my mother has planned for me, but what harm can there
be in my dancing ? It is the noblest form of art that there is and it is wholly
dedicated to the praise of God ! '
' Dancing may be a noble form of art, but dancers have a bad reputation and
I don't want my girl to have anything to do with it.'
' I do wish there was some way out.'
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