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Devadasi
Chapter Listing
Chapter VIII
They returned to Palayam railway station one evening. Udayar went to see
about the arrangements in their new house and to fix an auspicious day for
Meena to move in. Meena came home in a bullock cart with her steel trunk,
her kooja and her bed roll, like an experienced traveller. Now that Udayar
was not there to give her courage, she was anxious and worried about what
might have happened following her failure to dance at the temple. Her
feelings of guilt at having left her mother to face the situation alone
and unaided retumed to her.
The servant girl who first saw her arrive was greatly excited. She ran
into the house shouting, ' Amma ! Amma ! Meenakshi has come ! '
Muthu came out of an inner room when she heard the noise. ' So you have
come at last,' she said to Meena. Her greeting was cold.
' Yes mother, I have just arrived,' Meena said pleasantly.
' So I see.'
' Look Amma ! Look what Meenakshi has brought,' the servant girl shouted
as she brought in one by one, the steel trunk, the bed roll and the kooja.
' What have you got inside the box ? ' she enquired. ' Is it all saris ?
Have you bought a lot of things ? Is there anything in it for me ? '
' Put them inside and don't chatter ! ' Muthu shouted at the poor girl.
Until she went away on this trip, Meena had not left her mother for a
single day. People rarely travelled those days. Having been now away for
so long and to so many places, Meena had expected a warm welcome,
mingled perhaps with wailings and recriminations, but not this coldness
and aloofness which was so unlike Muthu. She felt that perhaps there
was something seriously wrong.
' Is everything all right mother ?' Meena enquired anxiously.
' You might well ask,' shouted Muthu. Her self-control was beginning to
give away. ' Is everything all right ? ' she repeated the question.
' No, everything is not all right. I have been shamed and humiliated.
We have been deva daasies and we have been attached to this temple for
I don't know how many generations. We have always maintained our tradition
and earned the respect of all until you went off with your fancy man and
broke your promise at the temple.` `
`Respect mother ? '
' Yes, respect. Strange as it may seem to you, we too have our respect
and our reputation and our pride; the pride of our profession, the pride
in never missing an engagement at the temple to please our followers
and to pleasc God. I remember my mother dancing at the temple once
when she had high fever and completing her performance before collapsing
in the anteroom. She said, " Muthu, remember our only loyalty is to our
art; we have no other loyalties and no other ties ". I too danced at the
temple once, only two weeks after losing my baby who would have been your
sister had she lived. That is our pride and that is our tradition.'
Meena came to her mother and held her hand. ' Please don't worry; I will
make it up to the temple in some way.'
Muthu pulled herself away. ' How will you make it up ? ' she asked.
' I don't know. Mr. Udayar' she always referred to him as Mr. Udayar.
' He will talk to the priests and do whatever is necessary.'
' Mister Udayar ! ' Muthu spat the words out in bitterness and anger.
' Do you think a little money would satisfy God? It might satisfy the
priests, but do you think he can pay adequately enough to compensate
for a life time of your devotion to God ? I wish I had had the courage
to send him away on that first day when he came here showing off his
money. Then I would have been saved all this shame.'
Meena suddenly felt tired and miserable. Her young spirit could only
stand so much. She had returned in the hope of convincing her mother
about her giving up dancing and going to live in the new house. But
now she felt it was impossible With Udayar not being there to sustain
her, she collapsed She ran into her room, lay down onthe loor and
started sobbing.
But Muthu followed her.' It is no use shedding tears,' she said. '
I too have shed tears until my eyes were dry. You had better know what
happened after you left.'
`Later' said Meena.
' No, I must tell you now,' Muthu insisted. ' When the priests found
you had left, they were annoyed. But when they came to know of the
reason for your leaving, they were reaDy furious. They called me all
kinds of names and said it wasa serious matter of discipline, and they
would have to report it to the trustees. I did my best to prevent them,
even tried to bribe them; I would-have succeeded but for one thing.'
' What was that ? '
' That uncouth brute of a villager, Ganapathy, has been hanging around
here since you left. He told everybody that you were never going to
dance again.'
' And then, what happened? ' in spite of herself, Meena was interested.
' It is an affront to God and to the authority of the temple,' they said.
' So, the matter had gone before the trustees. Since they appointed
you as a temple dancer in the first place, they have everyright to
discipline you if you did anything wrong. I told them that you had
had a dream in which the Lord of Sri Rangam temple, Lord Ranganatha
appeared and asked you to go there and so you had gone. " Did the Lord
appear in Mr. Udayar's dream also? " one of the trustees asked
sarcastically. Oh, the shame of it all ! '
' But what did they do, mother ? '
' I pleaded with them to forgive you this time, but they have said
they would wait to hear your exp]anation and then take a final decision.'
For the first time, Meena was frightened. ' What could they do to us
mother ? '
' That depends on what your attitude is going to be,' Muthu spoke slowly
and deliberately, as if weighing every word before uttering it. ' They
are all just as powerful and wealthy as your Mr. Udayar; even more so,
since they are vested with the authority of the temple. Public sentiment
is also in their favour. But they are men and naturally have men's
weaknesses. If you can be a little more accommodating by promising to
please them, and if you agree to dance at the temple whenever required
in the future, they might drop the whole thing with an apology from you.'
'If I am not accommodating? Then what happens?' ' How can you think of
such a thing ? ' ' So breaking my vow to God does not matter so long as
I please the trustees. Is that it ? '
' You are merely twisting my words. If only you had not gone away,
such a situation would not have arisen; you would not have been at the
mercy of the trustees. In any case, it is our art that is important to us.
A little accommodation to have the trustees on your side does not matter.'
' But if I refuse, what will they do, mother ? What can they do ? '
' What can they do ? ' Muthu repeated the question before answering it.
' They can excommunicate us; they can for bid us to enter the temple.
They can hound us out of this town and they can see to it that no other
temple employs you. We will be shunned as parayahs. Is that the kind of
life you want to choose for us ? '
' I don't know. I am confused and miserable. I wish there was a simple
way out of it all.'
Muthu felt she was succeeding and press on withher advantage. ' If such
a calamity occurs, how can we look anyone in the face afterwards. Do you
want other deva daasies, who haven't half as much talent as you have, to
laugh at us ? And above all, do you want to incur the wrath of God ? For,
you are married to God.'
' I wish I were dead ! ' Meena sobbed as Muthu held her to her bosom and
soothed her.
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When Udayar went to the house that had been rented for Meena's residence,
Ganapathy was waitin for him there.
' I think there has been some trouble at the temple sir,' he sald to his
master.
' What happened ? '
Ganapathy was a slow talker. He told Udayar in broken sentences about
the anger of the priests and Muthu's attempts to bribe them.
' But I expected that, Ganapathy,' Udayar said. ' I am surprised she
didn't succeed.'
' But the trustees have come to know about your wish that Meena should
not dance again,' he said. He did not realise that he himself had been
the cause of this. ' Sir, I think they are annoyed not so much about
Meena not dancing, but because you stole a march over them all. The
managing trustee, Mr. Sankara Sastri is particularly angry. He wants to
have his revenge by making Meena give you up.'
Udayar thought for a while rubbing his chin. ' It looks as if we are going
to have a fight on our hands Ganapathy,' he said.
' It looks like it, sir,' agreed Ganapathy. There was eager anticipation
in his eyes as he continued. ' We have not gone back on a fight yet.'
' I don't think we are going back on this one.'
So Udayar hurried to Meena's house to find out what had happened. It had
grown dark, and the front door was shut. When he knocked, Muthu came to
the door.
When she saw who it wasj all her pent up anger burst forth. ' Haven't
you done enough harm to us ? ' she shouted. ' You have made us the laughing
stock of the whole town and ruined Meena's career. Why don't you leave
us alone ? '
' Go in woman, don't shout so that everyone in the street can hear you.'
Udayar pushed her aside and walked in while Muthu made futile attempts
to stop him.
' Meena ! Meena girl ! ' he called out.
Meena came out of her room with tear stained eyes. All the laughter and
the gaiety that was there so recently had disappeared. But the delicacy of
her features and the beauty was still there, if anything, enhanced by her
grief.
' Meena girl, what have they been trying to do to you ? ' Udayar asked
tenderly. ' Whatever it is, don't you worry. I shall protect you however
much it may cost.'
Meena's reply was more sobs and tears. Muthu came and held her daughter
protectively. ' She has to appear before the trustees tomorrow morning to
answer charges of indiscipline. She has to promise it will not happen again
and agree to dance at the temple whenever required to do so. There is
nothing you can do about it.'
Udayar thought for a while. ' Meena girl, look at me,' he said. ' Look at
me and tell me. What do you want to do ?'
' I don't know; I am confused and bewildered.'
' I can see your mother has frightened you badly,' he said. ' You remember,
when we were in Madurai last week, you asked me, " if I were to go back to
my dancing, will you stop seeing me ? " And I said, " I don't know." '
' Well, I know now.' There was iron determination in his voice. ' You will
not be going back to your dancing or fulfilling your vow to God. You will
be taking whoring.'
' How can you use such language in a respectable house ? ' Muthu shouted.
' Keep quiet ! ' hissed Udayar. Then he turned to Meena. ' First you will
be pleasing the trustees, then the priests and after that, whoever, happens
to come your way. And I am not going to permit such a state of affairs if
I can help it.'
' Even you can't fight the trustees,' said Muthu. ' They are respected and
influencial men.'
' You will be surprised,' was Udayar's answer.
The argument went on and on. Muthu wailed and shouted and called on all
the gods to bear wimess to her misfortune. She cursed Udayar. Udayar said
that she was deliberately driving her daughter into the arms of senile,
old men.
Meena could stand it no longer. ' Keep quiet both of you,' she shouted.
Desperation seemed to have given her renewed strength. She was no longer
the young girl caught between two powerful and opposing forces; she was no
longer helpless. She seemed sudden4 grown up. There was a ring of
determination in her voice. Both Udayar and Muthu knew from past experience
that this meant that Meena had come to a decision and nothing they might
say would move her now. ' You are arguing about my life and my future.
Don't you think that I have the ultimate right to decide what to do ? '
She waited, but neither of the two answered he question. She continued.
' Rightly or wrongly, I made a vow before God; I made it in all honesty
and sincerity.' She turned to Udayar. ' I dedicated myself to the temple
not for a day or a year, but for life. And I broke that vow because of
you.'
Udayar was about to speak but she silenced him.
' I am not blaming you,' there were tears in her eyes as she said this.
' Whatever happiness I have known in my life has been because of you. You
have taught me what it is to have self-respect, to hold one's head high.
After knowing you, I shall never have another man. But the fact remains,
I broke a vow taken solemnly and seriously.'
' That is just what I have been saying,' Muthu added.
'That is not what you have been saying, mother,' Meena retorted. ' I can
never accept the kind of life that yol. have planned for me.'
' What other life is there for a temple dancer ? ' her mother demanded.
' I don't know, mother,' Meena hesitated before she continued. ' I hope
that one day, dancers will be truly dancers, practising a glorious and
divine art and not be mere appndages to temples or concubines to the
trustees,'
' But what are you going to do ? ' Muthu asked desperately.
' I will meet the trustees as they wish me to do, apologise for going
away when I should have given a performance, pelform any religious
sacrifice that may be necessary to absolw myself, and offer to dance
again. That is the only honourable thing to do.' She turned to Udayar.
' It was you who taught me about honour. So, you should not be
disappointed at my wanting to uphold it.' Then she turned to her mother.
' But I will not swerve by a hairs-breadth from the path of virtue.'
' They won't have you under those conditions,' Udayar said. ' Even if
they accept your apology, they will throw you out of the temple on some
excuse or other.'
' If that happens, then I will have to give up dancing. I will be sorry,
but I am sure God will understand and forgive me.'
There was nothing for anyone to say or do after that.
' Now that I have made my decision, will you continue to see me ? '
Meena asked Udayar. Her eyes were pleading.
' I will, I will,' he said. ' But I must think about the future.' He went out
in the darkness of the night.
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